All’s Well That Ends Well

Introduction

All’s Well That Ends Well is considered one of Shakespeare’s ‘problem plays’ or ‘bitter comedies’, the others being Troilas and Cessida and Measure for Measure. Unlike the other earlier and more endearing comedies, in these works comedy and tragedy are interwoven, and although the endings resolve much of the tragic elements of the play, something disturbing or destructive in our human nature has been unearthed, which cannot be easily dismissed or condoned. A quote from the play itself expresses well this mingling of virtues and faults: “The web of our life is of a mingled yard, good and ill together. Our virtues would be proud if our faults whipped them not; and our crimes would despair if they were not cherished by our virtues.” That just about sums up the problem plays. In this play in particular the two main characters, Bertram and Helena, have character flaws that are hard to overlook. He is a selfish and arrogant cad without much in the way of saving qualities. He is a well bred scoundrel, in fact, and not much more. And while Shakespeare’s unpleasant men are numerous, Bertram, is authentically unworthy and deserves a special place amongst them. And yet, on a very human level, he has been wronged in the extreme by Helena, a commoner, who, for whatever reason, loves him feverishly and simply must have him. When he expresses absolutely no interest in her whatsoever, she devises a plan of restoring the ailing French King’s health in exchange for having the king require Bertram to marry her. And even worse, once he escapes from her to the wars in Italy, telling her that he will never marry her until she can secure the ring from his finger and become pregnant with his child, conditions he is certain she could never possibly fulfil, she follows him to Italy in disguise and arranges with a woman he is trying to have sex with to pull the old switch partners in the dark of night trick, thereby sleeping with him and managing to get the ring. Bertram believes he has slept with the object of his desire. Once he returns home Helena produces his ring and declares rightly that she is pregnant with his child, evidenced by the testimony of the woman he thought he had slept with. He has no choice but to marry her and promises to be a good husband. Hence the supposed happy ending and expected act five marriage, however compromised and cynical the portrayal of sexual relations has been rendered. The bedroom trick suggests that when it comes to sex one woman is indistinguishable from another to men. An important mystery in All’s Well That Ends Well is what does the beautiful and charming Helena see in Bertram. Despite what we may think of him, she is completely in love with Bertram and her fixation is formidable, although it may seem to audiences unwholesome to say the least. She triumphs to our dismay. As attractive a person as she appears, our estimation of her must be significantly diminished by her choice of men and by the unscrupulous way she ensnarls him. There is no true love untainted by manipulation here, regardless of the union of these two souls in the end. The other main character in the play is Bertram’s military friend, the villainous but comically intriguing Parolles, a lying and cowardly figure without scruples, who willingly betrays his friend Bertram in order to save his own skin while facing the perils of apparent capture by the enemy. Perhaps they all deserve each other in All’s Well That Ends Well, a play examining ruthless manipulation and quizzical motivations.

Shakespeare wrote his ‘problem plays’ in the midst of also composing his tragic masterpieces. Gone are the days of the pre-tragic and light hearted comedies such as The Comedy of Errors (1592), The Taming of the Shrew (1594), A Midsummer Night’s Dream (1594-5), The Merchant of Venice (1596-7), Much Ado About Nothing (1598-9) As You Like It (1599-1600) and Twelfth Night (1601). Troilas and Cressida (1601-2), Measure for Measure (1603-4) and All’s Well That is Well (1604-05) are sprinkled amongst Julius Caesar (1599), Hamlet (1599-1600), Othello (1603-4), Macbeth (1605), King Lear (1605-6) and Antony and Cleopatra (1606). Shakespeare was writing in his most explosive and profound period, and it was also here that he penned all three so called problem plays. His comedies would never be the same again, including Timon of Athens (1605-6), Pericles (1607-8), Cymbeline (1609) and The Winter’s Tale (1610). The lighter comedies no longer seemed to appeal to him. The best he could do was mingle the two genres, often in collaboration with other playwrights. He was nearing the end of his best days, as he also approached the end of his life (1616). Aside from The Tempest (1610), his last acknowledged masterpiece was Antony and Cleopatra (1606), even though eight more plays would follow. So we are watching him at a very interesting point in his career with All’s Well That Ends Well. It’s a mixed bag of tricks from here on out. There will be no more Hamlets.

Act I (3 scenes)

Scene i

Rousillon. The Count’s palace

Enter Bertram, the Countess of Rousillon (Bertram’s mother), Helena and Lafeu, all in black

Countess: “In delivering my son from me, I bury a second husband.”

Bertram: “And I in going, madam, weep over my father’s death anew; but I must attend his Majesty’s command.”

Lafeu: “You shall find of the King a husband, madam; you, sir, a father. He hath abandoned his physicians, madam; under whose practices he hath persecuted time with hope, and finds no other advantage in the process but only the losing of hope by time.”

Countess: “This young gentlewoman has a father – O, that ‘had’, how sad a passage ’tis – whose skill was almost as great as his honesty. Would, for the King’s sake, he were living! I think it would be the death of the King’s disease. He was famous, sir, in his profession.”

Lafeu: “He was excellent indeed, madam; the King very lately spoke of him admiringly and mourningly.”

Bertram: “What is it, my good lord, the King languishes of?”

Lafeu: “A fistula, my lord. I would it were not notorious. Was this gentlewoman the daughter of the esteemed doctor?”

Countess: “His sole child, my lord, and bequeathed to my overlooking. The remembrance of her father never approaches her heart but the tyranny of her sorrows takes all livelihood from her cheek.”

Lafeu: “Moderate lamentation is the right of the dead; excessive grief the enemy to the living.“

Countess: “Be thou blest, Bertram, and succeed thy father in manners, as in shape! Thy blood and virtue contend for empire in thee, and thy goodness share with thy birthright! Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none. Farewell, Bertram.”

Exit Countess

Bertram: (to Helena) “Be comfortable to my mother, your mistress, and make much of her.”

Exit Bertram and Lafreu

Helena: “O, were that all! I think not on my father. I am undone, there is no living, none, if Bertram be away. ‘Twere all one that I should love a bright particular star and think to wed it, he is so above me. The ambition in my love thus plagues itself: the hind who would be mated by the lion must die for love. ‘Twas pretty, though a plague, to see him every hour. But now he’s gone. Who comes here? (aside) One that goes with him; and yet I know him a notorious liar, think him a great fool, solely a coward.”

Parolles: “Save you, fair queen!”

Helena: “And you, monarch!”

Parolles: “Are you meditating on virginity?“

Helena: “Ay. You have some stain of soldier in you; let me ask you a question. Man is enemy to virginity; how may we barricade it against him?”

Parolles: “Keep him out.“

Helena: “But he assails; and our virginity, though valiant in the defence, yet is weak. Unfold to us some warlike resistance.“

Parolles: “There is none. Man will undermine you and blow you up.“

Helena: “Is there no military policy how virgins might blow up men?“

Parolles: “It is not politic in the commonwealth of nature to preserve virginity.; and there was never virgin got till virginity was first lost. Virginity by being first lost may be two times found; by being ever kept, it is ever lost . ‘Tis too cold a companion; away with it. ‘Tis against the rule of nature. To speak on the part of virginity is to accuse your mothers; virginity murders itself, and should be buried in highways, as a desperate offendress against nature. Virginity breeds mites, much like a cheese, and so dies with feeding his own stomach. Besides, virginity is peevish, proud, idle, made of self-love. Keep it not; you cannot choose but lose by it. Out with it.“

Helena: “How might one do, sir, to lose it to her own liking?“

Parolles: “Let me see; the longer kept, the less worth. Virginity, like an old courtier, wears her cap out of fashion, richly suited but unsuitable. And your virginity, your old virginity, is like one of our French withered pears: it looks ill, it eats drily; marry, ’tis a withered pear; it was formerly better; marry, yet ’tis a withered pear. Farewell. When thou hast leisure, say thy prayers; when thou hast none, remember thy friends. Get thee a good husband, and use him as he uses thee. So, farewell.”

Exit Parolles

Helena: “Our remedies often in ourselves do lie, which we ascribe to heaven. The fated sky gives us free scope.”

Analysis

The King of France is gravely Ill and Bertran is being sent to serve him. His mother will miss him dearly, having recently lost her husband. Helena also recently lost her father, a renowned doctor, who might have been called upon to save the King were he still alive. Helena exchanges vulgar wit about virginity with Bertrand’s friend, Patrolles. We learn that she is very much in love with Bertrand, and also distressed over his impending departure. The stage is set!

Act I

Scene ii

Paris. The King’s palace

Enter the King of France with attendants and Bertram

King: “Youth, thou bear’st thy father’s face. Thy father’s moral parts may thou inherit too! Welcome to Paris.”

Bertram: “My thanks and duties are your Majesty’s.”

King: “How long is it, Count, since the physician at your father’s died? He was much famed.”

Bertram: “Some six months since, my lord.”

King: “If he were living, I would try him yet.”

Analysis

Bertram is welcomed in Paris by the King, who wishes Helen’s physician father was still alive to treat him, as he is seriously ill. This scene sets us up for when Helena arrives, familiar with much of her father’s medical skills.

Act I

Scene iii

Rousillon. The Count’s palace.

Enter Countess and Steward

Steward: “May it please you, madam, that Helen come to you?”

Countess: “Sirrah, tell my gentlewoman I would speak with her: Helena I mean.”

Steward: “I know, madam, you love your gentlewoman entirely.”

Countess: “Faith, I do. Her father bequeathed her to me. There is more owing her than is paid, and more shall be paid her than she’ll demand.”

Steward: “Madam, I was very late more near her than I think she wished me. Alone she was, and did communicate to herself her own words to her own ears. Her matter was, she loved your son.”

Countess: “Many likelihoods informed me of this before. Pray you leave me. I thank you for your honest care.”

Enter Helena

Helena: “What is your pleasure, madam?”

Countess: “You know, Helena, I am a mother to you. You never oppressed me with a mother’s groan, yet I expressed to you a mother’s care. Does it curd thy blood to say I am thy mother?”

Helena: “Pardon, madam, the Count Rousillon cannot be my brother. My master, my dear lord he is; and I his servant live, and will his vassal die. He must not be my brother.”

Countess: “Nor I your mother?”

Helena: “You are my mother, madam; would you were – so that my lord your son were not my brother.”

Countess: “Yes, Helena, you might be my daughter-in-law. You love my son; therefore tell me true; for, look, thy cheeks confess it. Tell me truly. Do you love my son? Come, come, disclose the state of your affection.”

Helena: “Then I confess, here on my knee, before high heaven and you, I love your son. Be not offended, for it hurts him not, nor would I have him till I do deserve him; I know I love in vain, strive against hope: yet in this captious and intangible sieve I still pour in the waters of my love; O, then, give pity to her whose state is such that cannot choose but lend and give where she is sure to lose.”

Countess: “Had you not lately an intent – speak truly – to go to Paris?”

Helena: “Madam, I had.”

Countess: “Wherefore? tell true.”

Helena: “I will tell truth; by grace itself I swear. You know my father left me some prescriptions of rare and proved effects, such as his manifest experience had collected for general sovereignty. Amongst the rest there is a remedy, approved, set down, to cure the desperate languishing whereof the King is rendered lost.”

Countess: “But think you, Helena, if you should tender your supposed aid, he would receive it? He and his physicians are of a mind: he, that they cannot help him; they, that they cannot help. How shall they credit a poor unlearned virgin, when the schools, embowlll’d of their doctrine, have left off the danger to itself? “

Helena: “There’s something in it more than my father’s skill, which was the greatest of his profession, and, would your honour but give me leave to try success, I’d venture the well-lost life of mine on his Grace’s cure by such a day and hour.”

Countess: “Dost thou believe it?”

Helena: “Ay, madam, knowingly.”

Countess: “Why, Helena, thou shalt have my leave and love, means and attendants. I’ll stay at home, and pray God’s blessing into thy attempt. Be gone tomorrow.”

Analysis

Helena admits to the Countess, Bertram’s mother, that she is, in fact, in love with Bertram. However, she also admits that she realizes that her case in this regard is hopeless. When the Countess asks Helena, why then she intends to go to the King’s court in Paris, Helena says she wants to try to resurrect her father’s highly effective medical cures and see what she can do to heal the King of his illness. Loving Bertam and healing the King will intersect poignantly in act II and drive the remaining plot.

Act II (5 scenes)

Scene i

Paris. The King’s palace

Enter the King with Lafeu and young lords leaving for the Florentine wars.

King: “Farewell, young lords.”

1 Lord: “‘Tis our hope, sir, to return and find your Grace in health.”

King: “No, no, it cannot be. Whether I live or die, be you the sons of worthy Frenchmen.”

Lafeu: “But, my good lord, won’t you be cured of your infirmity?”

King: “No.”

Lafeu: “I have seen a medicine that’s able to breathe life into a stone. Why there is one doctor arrived, if you will see her. Will you see her, for that is her demand, and know her business?”

King: “Bring in this admiration.”

Enter Helena

Lafeu: “Nay, come your ways; this is his Majesty; say your mind to him.”

Exit Lafeu

King: “Now, fair one, does your business follow us?”

Helena: “Ay, my good lord, Gerard de Narbon was my father.”

King: “I knew him.”

Helena: “Knowing him is enough. On his bed of death many receipts he gave me; chiefly one. Hearing your high Majesty is touched with that malignant cause wherein the honour of my dear father’s gift stands chief in power, I come to tender it, with all bound humbleness.”

King: “We thank you, maiden, but we may not be so credulous of cure, when our most learned doctors leave us – I say we must not so stain our judgment, or corrupt our hope, to prostate our past-cure malady to empirics, when help past sense we deem.”

Helena: “My duty then shall pay me for my pains.”

King: “Thou thought to help me; and such thanks I give as one near death to those who wish him live.”

Helena: “What I can do can do no hurt to try.”

King: “I must not hear thee. Fare thee well, kind maid.”

Helena: “Dear sir, to my endeavours give consent. I am not an imposter, but know I think, and think I know most sure, my art is not past power nor you past cure.”

King: “Art thou so confident? Upon thy certainty and confidence what dare thou venture?”

Helena: “Extended with vilest torture let my life be ended.”

King: “Methinks in thee some blessed spirit doth speak his powerful sound within an organ weak. Sweet practiser, thy physic I will try, that ministers thine own death if I die.”

Helena: “If I break time, or flinch in property of what I spoke, unpitied let me die; and well deserved. Not helping, death’s my fee; but, if I help, what do you promise me?”

King: “Make thy demand.”

Helena: “But will you make it even?”

King: “Ay, by my sceptre and my hopes of heaven.”

Helena: “Than shalt thou give me with thy kingly hand what husband in thy power I will command.”

King: “Here is my hand; so make the choice thy own time.”

Analysis

Once Helena convinces the King to give her a shot at healing him, the deal is that if she fails she dies but if successful he will grant her the husband of her choice. I do believe we know where this is going!

Act II

Scene ii

Rousillon. The Count’s palace

We witness the playful banter between the Countess and her Clown (fool). A light reprieve between two scenes involving the King and Helena.

Act II

Scene iii

Paris. The King’s palace

Enter the King, Helena, Bertram, Lafeu and Parolles

King: “Go, call before me all the lords in court.”

Exit an attendant

King: “Sit, my preserver, by thy patient’s side.”

Enter three or four lords

King: “Fair maid, send forth thine eye. This youthful parcel of noble bachelors stand at my bestowing. Thy frank elation make; thou hast power to choose, and they none to forsake. Peruse them well.”

Helena: “Gentlemen, heaven hath through me restored the King to health.”

King: “Make choice and see: who shuns thy love shuns all his love in me.”

Helena: (to Bertram) “I dare not say I take you; but I give me and my service, ever while I live, into your guiding power. This is the man.”

King: “Why, then, young Bertram, take her; she’s thy wife.”

Bertram: “My wife, my liege! Give me leave to use the help of mine own eyes.”

King: “Know thou not, Bertram, what she has done for me?”

Betram: “Yes, my good lord; but never hope to know why I should marry her.”

King: “Thou knows she has raised me from my sickly bed.”

Bertram: “But follows it, my lord, to bring me down must answer for your raising? I know her well: a poor physician’s daughter my wife!”

King: “‘Tis only title thou disdains in her, the which I could build up. From lowest place when virtuous things proceed, the place is dignified by the doers deed. She is young, wise, fair; If thou can like this creature as a maid, I can create the rest. Virtue and she are her own dower; honour and wealth from me.”

Bertram: “I cannot love her, nor will strive to do it.”

King: “Thou wrongs thyself, if thou should strive to choose.”

Helena: “That you are well restored, my lord, I’m glad. Let the rest go.”

King: “My honour is at stake; here, take her hand, proud scornful boy. It is in us to plant thine honour where we please to have it grow. Check thy contempt; obey our will, believe not thy disdain, but presently do thine own fortunes that obedient right which both thy duty owes and our power claims; or I will throw thee from my care for ever; both my revenge and hate loosing upon thee in the name of justice, without all terms of pity. Speak thine answer.”

Bertram: “Pardon, my gracious lord; for I submit my fancy to your eyes.”

King: “Take her by the hand, and tell her she is thine.”

Bertrand: “I take her hand.”

King: “Good fortune and the favour of the King smile upon this contract, whose ceremony shall seem expedient and be performed tonight.”

Exit all but Lafeu and Parolles

Lafeu: “Are you companion to the Count Rousillon?”

Parolles: “To any Count; to all Counts.”

Lafeu: “Yet art thou good for nothing but taking up. Lord have mercy on thee for a hen; thy casement I need not open, for I look through thee.”

Parolles: “My lord, you give me most egregious indignity.”

Lafeu: “Ay, with all my heart; and thou art worthy of it.”

Exit Lafeu

Parolles: “Scurvy, old, filthy, scurvy lord! Well, I must be patient; I’ll beat him, by my life, if I can meet him with any convenience. I’ll have no more pity of his age.”

Re-enter Lafeu

Lafeu: “Sirrah, your lord and master’s married; there’s news for you; you have a new mistress. If I were but two hours younger, I’d beat thee. Methinks thou art a general offence, and every man should beat thee.”

Parolles: “This is hard and undeserved, my lord.”

Lafeu: “Go to, sir; you are a vagabond; you are more saucy with lords than the commission of your birth and virtue gives you heraldry. You are not worth another word, else I’d call you knave. I leave you.”

Enter Bertram

Bertram: “Undone, and forfeited to cares forever!”

Parolles: “What’s the matter, sweetheart?”

Bertram: “Although before the solemn priest I have sworn, I will not bed her. O my Parolles, they have married me! I’ll to the Tuscan wars, and never bed her.”

Parolles: “France is a dog-hole; France is a stable; therefore, to the war!”

Bertram: “It shall be so; I’ll send her to my house, acquaint my mother with my hate for her, and write to the king, that which I dare not speak. I’ll send her straight away. Tomorrow I’ll to the wars, she to her single sorrow.”

Parolles: “A young man married is a man marred. Go, the King has done you wrong.”

Analysis

One of the great questions in this play is, given how Bertram treats Helena, why does she remain committed to him. I suppose we can sympathize with him for being forced to marry a woman he does not love. She does tell the King to ‘let it go’ but he insists it is a matter of honour and gives Bertram no choice. The irony is that he is the one being forced into this marriage even though she has so much more character and integrity than he. So he and Parolles will go off to the Italian wars and leave Helena with his mother, without consummating the marriage. But Helena will not give in to this arrangement and more complexities await in Italy, to be sure.

Act II

Scene iv

The King’s palace

Enter Helena and Parolles

Parolles: “Madam, my lord will go away tonight; a very serious business calls on him.”

Helena: “What’s his will else?”

Parolles: “That you will take your instant leave of the King.”

Helena: “What more commands he?”

Parolles: “That, having this obtained, you presently attend his further pleasure.”

Helena: “In everything I wait upon his will.”

Parolles: “I shall report it so.”

Helena: “I pray you.”

Analysis

Bertram has Parolles inform Helena that Bertrand has been called away on serious business and wishes for her to take immediate leave of the King. The King would not be impressed with his plan to leave her and go off to the Florentine wars.

Act II

Scene v

Paris. The King’s palace

Enter Lafeu, Bertram and Parolles

Bertram: ” (aside to Parolles) Is she gone to the King and will she away tonight?”

Parolles: “As you’ll have her.”

Bertram: “Is there any unkindness between my lord and you, monsieur?”

Parolles: “I know not how I have deserved to run into my lord’s displeasure.”

Lafeu: “You have made shift to run into it, boots and spurs and all.”

Bertram: “It may be you have mistaken him, my lord.”

Lafeu: “Fare you well, my lord; and believe this of me: the soul of this man are his clothes; trust him not in matters of heavy consequence. Farewell, monsieur; I have spoken better of you than you have or will to deserve at my hand; but we must do good against evil.”

Exit Lafeu

Parolles: “An idle lord, I swear.”

Bertram: “I think so. Here comes my clog.”

Enter Helena

Helena: “I have, sir, as I was commanded from you , spoke with the King, and have procured his leave for present parting; only he desires some private speech with you.”

Bertrand: “I shall obey his will. You must not marvel, Helena, at my course; prepared I was not for such a business; therefore am I found so much unsettled. This drives me to entreat you that presently you make your way for home to my mother.” (He gives her a letter)

Helena: “Sir, I can nothing say, but that I am your most obedient servant.”

Bertram: “Come, come, no more of that. My haste is great. Farewell.”

Helena: “Pray, sir, your pardon.”

Bertrand: “What would you have?”

Helena: “Something; and scarce so much; nothing, indeed.”

Exit Helena

Bertrand: “Go thou toward home, where I will never come while I can shake my sword or hear the drum. Away, and for our flight.”

Analysis

Lafeu and Helena both take Parolles for what he is: a rogue. But Bertram does not see it. He embraces Parolles while he scorns Helena. Its hard to find a redeemable quality in either of these two men, other than we hear that Bertram is a good soldier. Clearly Bertram is a poor judge of character, among his many flaws. He has manipulated the situation with Helena perfectly. She is headed back to his mother’s, while he has departed for the wars, unbeknownst to her or the King. Perhaps he and Parolles deserve one another.

Act III (7 scenes)

Scene i

Florence. The Duke’s palace.

Enter the Duke of Florence with attending lords.

Duke: “So, now you have heard the fundamental reasons for this war; whose great decision hath much blood let forth and more thirsts after.”

Lord: “Holy seems the quarrel upon your Grace’s part; black and fearful on the opposer.”

Duke: “Therefore we marvel much our cousin France would in so such a business shut his bosom against our borrowing prayers. Be it his pleasure.”

Lord: “But I am sure the younger of our nature, will day by day come here for physic.”

Duke: “Welcome shall they be; tomorrow to the field.”

Analysis

Here we establish that the French king does not support the Florentine Wars, even though some young Frenchmen will no doubt come on their own. And we know at least two such Frenchmen, who are on their way to Florence presently.

Act III

Scene ii

Rousillon. The Count’s palace.

Enter Countess and her clown

Countess: “It hath happened all as I would have had it, save that he comes not along with her. Let me see what he writes. (opening a letter and reads) ‘I have sent you a daughter-in-law; she hath recovered the King and undone me. I have wedded her, not bedded her, and sworn to make the “not’ eternal. You shall hear I have run away; if there be breadth enough in the world, I will hold a long distance. My duty to you. Your unfortunate son, Bertram.’ This is not well, rash and unbridled boy, to fly the favours of so good a king, by the misprizing of a maid too virtuous for the contempt of empire.”

Enter Helena and two French gentlemen.

Helena: “Madam, my lord is gone, for ever gone.”

Countess: “Think upon patience. Pray you, gentlemen – where is my son?”

1 Gentleman: “Madam, he’s gone to serve the Duke of Florence.”

Helena: “Look on this letter, madam; here’s my passport. (read) ‘When thou can get the ring upon my finger, which never shall come off, and show me a child begotten of thy body that I am father to, then call me husband; but in such a “then” I write a “never”. This is a dreadful sentence.”

Countess: “I prithee, lady, have a better cheer; he was my son; but I do wash his name out of my blood, and thou art all my child. Towards Florence is he?”

1 Gentleman: “Ay, madam.”

Countess: “And to be a soldier?”

1 Gentleman: “Such is his noble purpose.”

Helena: (reads) ‘Till I have no wife, I have nothing in France.”

Countess: “Nothing in France until he have no wife! There is nothing here that is too good for him but only she; and she deserves a lord that twenty such rude boys might tend upon, and call her hourly mistress. Who was with him? Parolles, was it not?”

2 Gentleman: “Ay, my good lady, he.”

Countess: “A very tainted fellow, and full of wickedness. Gentlemen, I will entreat you, when you see my son, to tell him that his sword can never win the honour that he loses.”

1 Gentleman: “We serve you, madam.”

Exit Countess and gentlemen

Helena: “‘Till I have no wife, I have nothing in France.’ Poor lord! Is it I that chase thee from thy country, and expose those tender limbs of thine to the event of the none-sparing war? And is it I that drive thee from the court, to be the mark of smokey muskets? O you leaden messengers, fly with false aim; do not touch my lord. And though I kill him not, I am the cause his death was so effected. No; come thou home, Rousillon. I will be gone. My being here it is that holds thee hence. That pitiful rumour may report my flight to console thine ear. Come, night; end, day. For with the dark, poor thief, I’ll steal away.”

Analysis

Bertran has written two letters: one to his mother and one to Helena. To his mother he declares that though he was forced to wed Helena, he will never bed her and instead flees to the Florentine wars. Mom is unimpressed to say the least. To Helena he states that he will regard them as married only when she gets the ring off his finger, which he never removes, and has a child that he is father to, even though they never were intimate. In short, never. Helena determines to leave Rousillon, so that Bertram can return home. But will she, in fact, give up her Bertram so readily? Hmmm.

Act III

Scene iii

Florence. before the Duke’s palace.

Duke: “We, great in our hope, lay our best love and credence upon thy promising fortune.”

Bertram: “We’ll strive to bear it for your worthy sake to the extreme edge of hazard. Great Mars, I shall prove a lover of thy drum and a hater of love.”

Analysis

The Duke of Florence welcomes Bertram who dedicates his service to these wars.

Scene iv

Rousillon. The Count’s palace

Enter Countess and her steward

Countess: “Read it again.”

Steward: (reads) “‘I am Saint Jaques’ pilgrim, thither gone, barefoot plod I the cold ground upon, that from the bloody course of war my dearest master, your dear son, may bless him at home in peace. He is too good and fair for death and me; whom I myself embrace to set him free.'”

Countess: “Ah, what sharp stings are in her mildest words! What angel shall bless this unworthy husband? Write, write, Rinaldo, to this unworthy husband of his wife. My greatest grief set down sharply. When happily he shall hear that she is gone, he will return. Which of them both is dearest to me I have no sense to make distinction.”

Analysis

The Countess has received a letter from Helena that she has run off to be a pilgrim so that Bertram may come home rather than be killed in the wars. She instructs her servant to write to Bertram and tell him she is gone, so that he will, in fact, come home, and then so will Helena, and then they may be united still. Oh, if it were that simple.

Act III

Scene v

Outside the walls of Florence

Enter an old widow, her daughter Diana, Violenta and Mariana

Diana: “They say the French count has done most honourable service.”

Mariana: “Well, Diana, take heed of this French earl; the honour of a maid is her name, and no legacy is so rich as honesty.”

Widow: “I have told my neighbour now you have been solicited by a gentleman, his companion.”

Mariana: “I know that knave, hang him! One Parolles; a filthy officer he is in those suggestions for the young earl. Beware of them, Diana: their promises, enticements, oaths, tokens and all these engines of lust; many a maid has been seduced by them; and the misery is that so terrible shows in the wreck of maidenhood. I hope I need not to advise you further.”

Diana: “You shall not need to fear me.”

Enter Helena in the dress of a pilgrim.

Widow: “I hope so. Look, here comes a pilgrim. I know she will lie at my house. I’ll question her. ‘God save you, pilgrim! Whither are bound?”

Helena: “Where do the palmers lodge?”

Widow: “I shall conduct you where you shall be lodged.”

Helena: “Is it with yourself?”

Widow: “If you shall please so, pilgrim.”

Helena: “I thank you, and will stay upon your leisure.”

Widow: “You came, I think, from France?”

Helena: “I did so.”

Widow: “Here you shall see a countryman of yours who has done worthy service.”

Helena: “His name, I pray you.”

Diana: “The Count Rousillon. Know you such a one?”

Helena: “But by the ear, that hears most nobly of him.”

Diana: “He’s bravely taken here. He stole from France, as ’tis reported, for the King had married him against his liking.”

Helena: “I know his lady.”

Diana: “There is a gentleman who serves the Count reports but coarsely of her.”

Helena: “What’s his name?”

Diana: “Monsieur Parolles.”

Helena: “All her deserving is a reserved honesty.”

Diana: “‘Tis a hard bondage to become the wife of a detesting lord.”

Widow: “Good creature, wheresoever she is her heart weighs sadly. This young maid might do her a shrewd turn, if she pleased.”

Helena: “How do you mean? maybe the amorous Count solicits her in the unlawful purpose.”

Widow: “He does indeed. But she is armed for him, and keeps her guard in honest defence.”

Enter Bertram, Parolees and the whole army

Helena: “Which is the Frenchman?”

Diana: “He – that with the plume; ’tis a most gallant fellow. I would he loved his wife.”

Helena: “I like him well.”

Diana: “‘Tis pity he is not honest. Yonder that same knave. Were I his lady, I would poison that vile rascal.”

Exit Bertram, Parolles and the army

Widow: “Come, pilgrim, I will bring you where you shall host.”

Helena: “I humbly thank you. Please it this matron and this gentle maid to eat with us tonight.”

Both: “We’ll take your offer kindly.”

Analysis

Here we meet the women of Florence, who will significantly advance the plot. There is the widow and her daughter, Diana, who Bertram is trying to bed, and there is their neighbour and friend, Marianna. Marianna is warning Diana about the intentions of Bertram, who has seduced many a maid, when they meet a pilgrim, who turns out to be Helena, newly arrived from France. They befriend Helena and it is decided she will lodge with the widow. They tell Helena about Bertram, and empathize with the bitterly rejected wife, not knowing that Helen is, in fact, that same wife. The widow claims that her daughter might do the poor wife ‘a shrewd turn’. Indeed.

Act III

Scene vi

Army camp before Florence

Enter Bertram and two French lords

1 Lord: “If your lordship find him not a contemptible, hold me no longer in your respect.”

2 Lord: “On my life, my lord, a bubble.”

Bertram: “Do you think I am so far deceived in him?”

2 Lord: “Believe it, my lord. He’s a most notable coward, an infinite and endless liar, an hourly promise breaker, the owner of no one good quality worthy of your lordship’s entertainment.”

1 Lord: “It were fit you knew him. He might at some great and trusting business in a main danger fail you.”

Bertram: “I would I knew in what particular action to try him.”

1 Lord: “None better than to let him fetch off his drum.”

2 Lord: “I with a troop of Florentines will suddenly surprise him. We will bind and hoodwink him so that he shall suppose he is carried into the leaguer of his adversaries. Be but your lordship present at his examination; if he do not offer to betray you and deliver all the intelligence in his power against you, never trust my judgement in anything.”

1 Lord: “He he comes.”

Enter Parolles

Bertram: “How now, monsieur! This drum sticks sorely in your disposition.”

1 Lord: “A pox on it; let it go; ’tis but a drum.”

Parolles: “Is it but a drum? A drum so lost!”

1 Lord: “That was not to be blamed in the command of the service; it was a disaster of war that Caesar himself could not have prevented, if he had been there to command.”

Bertram: “Well, some dishonour we had in the loss of that drum; but it is not to be recovered.”

Parolles: “It might have been recovered.”

Bertram: “It might, but it is not now.”

Parolles: “It is to be recovered. I would have that drum.”

Bertram: “Why, if you have a stomach, to it, monsieur. Be magnanimous in the enterprise, and go on. If you speed well in it, the Duke shall extend to you what further becomes his greatness.”

Parolles: “By the hand of a soldier, I will undertake it. I’ll about it this evening; by midnight look to hear further from me.”

Exit Parolles

2 Lord: “Is not this a strange fellow, my lord, that so confidently seems to undertake this business, which he knows is not to be done?”

Bertram: “Why, do you think he will make no deed at all of this that so seriously he does address himself unto?”

2 Lord: “None in the world; but return with an invention, and clap upon you two or three probable lies. But you shall see his fall tonight; for indeed he is not for your lordship’s respect.”

Exit 2 Lord

Bertram: “Now will I lead you to the house, and show you the lass I spoke of.”

1 Lord: “But you say she’s honest.”

Bertram: “That’s all the fault. But I sent to her tokens and letters which she did re-send; and this is all I have done. She’s a fair creature; will you go see her?”

1 Lord: “With all my heart, my lord.”

Analysis

Two lords do their very best to try to convince Bertram that his companion, Parolles, is a scoundrel not to be trusted. They concoct a plan to demonstrate this by encouraging Parolles to recover a lost regimental drum and then watching him pretend to do so and then ensnarling him in a trap of lies. Bertram seems the only person not aware of what a rascal his friend is, suggesting that he is not at all a good judge of character, as we could deduce in his treatment of Helena. Meanwhile Bertram still is planning on seducing Diana, who already has met Helena in Florence.

Act III

Scene vii

Florence. The widow’s house

Enter Helena and the widow

Helena: “If you misdoubt me that I am not she, I know not how I shall assure you further.”

Widow: “Though my estate be fallen, I was well born, nothing acquainted with these businesses; and would not put my reputation now in any staining act.”

Helena: “Nor would I wish you. First give me trust the Count he is my husband.”

Widow: “I should believe you.”

Helena: “Take this purse of gold, and let me buy your friendly help. The Count he woos your daughter, lays down his wanton siege before her beauty, resolved to carry her. A ring the Count wears. This ring he holds in most rich choice; yet, in his idle fire, to buy his will, it would not seem too dear, however repented after.”

Widow: “Now I see the bottom of your purpose.”

Helena: “You see it lawful then. It is no more but that your daughter desires this ring; appoints him an encounter; in fine, delivers me to fill the time, herself most chastely absent. I’ll add three thousand crowns.”

Widow: “I have yielded. Instruct my daughter how she shall persevere, that time and place with this deceit so lawful may prove coherent.”

Helena: “Why then tonight let us assay our plot; which, if it speed, is wicked meaning in a lawful deed, and lawful meaning in a lawful act; let’s about it.”

Analysis

Helena has purchased the assistance of the widow in order to get Diana to lure away the ring from Bertram and then attract him to bed only to substitute herself into the bed before the act is consummated, hoping she will get pregnant and therefore fulfill both conditions set by Bertram, to get the ring off his finger and have him father her child. We can see why this is considered a ‘problem’ or ‘dark’ play for a comedy. No such underhandedness occurs in any of the other comedies, where sex only follows the culmination of loving marriage. The question that is never sufficiently answered is why this uncouth Bertram continues to mean everything to Helena. It seems completely underhanded and preposterous that the women would play the ‘switch lovers’ trick on Bertram, and yet what may justify it is that it is all intended that a married man and woman will eventually reunite.

Act IV (5 scenes)

Scene i

Outside the Florentine army camp

Enter Second Lord with 5 or 6 soldiers

2 Lord: “He can come no other way but by this hedge-corner. When you sally upon him, speak what terrible language you will, though you understand it not yourselves, no matter; for we must not seem to understand him. He must think us some band of strangers in the adversary’s entertainment. Here he comes.”

Enter Parolles

Parolles: “Within these three hours ’twill be time enough to go home. What shall I say I have done? They begin to smoke me, and disgraces as of late knocked too often at my door. I find my tongue is too foolhardy.”

2 Lord: “This is the first truth ever thine own tongue was guilty of.”

Parolles: “What the devil should move me to undertake the recovery of this drum, being not ignorant of the impossibility, and knowing I had no such purpose? I must give myself some hurts, and say I got them in the exploit. I would I had any drum of the enemy’s. I would swear I recovered it.”

2 Lord:”You shall hear one anon.” (alarum within)

Parolles: “O, ransom, ransom. Do not hide mine eyes.” (they blindfold him)

1 Soldier: “Boskos thromuldo books.”

Parolles: “I know you are the Musko’s regiment, and I shall lose my life for wanting of language.”

Soldier: “Boskos vauvado. I understand thee. Betake thee to thy faith, for seventeen poniards are at thy bosom.”

Parolles: “O!”

1 Soldier: “O, pray, pray, pray! Manka revania dulche. The general is content to spare thee yet. Happily, thou may inform something to save thy life.”

Parolles: “O, let me live, and all the secrets of our camp I’ll show, their force and their purposes.”

Exit 1 Soldier with Parolles guarded

2 Lord: “Go, tell Count Rousillon and my brother we have caught the woodcock, and will keep him muffled till we do hear from them. He will betray us all unto ourselves – inform on that. Till then I’ll keep him dark and safely locked.”

Analysis

Bertram’s soldier friends successfully spring the trap on Parolles. They capture and terrify him and he immediately offers to thoroughly betray his own army with all information they request, just to save his own neck. It is precisely what everyone other than Bertram would have expected. They send for Bertram to see and hear for himself.

Act IV

Scene ii

Florence. The widow’s house

Enter Bertram and Diana

Bertram: “Fair soul, in your fine frame hath love no quality? Now you should be so your mother was when your sweet self was got.”

Diana: “She then was honest. My mother did but duty; such, my lord, as you owe to your wife.”

Bertram: “No more of that! I prithee, do not strive against my vows. I was compelled to her; but I love thee by love’s own sweet constraint, and will forever do thee all rights of service.”

Diana: “Ay, so you serve us till we serve you; but when you have our roses you barely leave our thorns to prick ourselves, and mock us with our bareness. Therefore your oaths are words and poor conditions, at least in my opinion.”

Bertram: “Change it, change it; be not so holy-cruel. Love is holy. Stand no more off, but give thyself unto my sick desires. Say thou art mine, and ever my love as it begins shall so persevere.”

Diana: “Give me that ring.”

Bertram: “I’ll lend thee, my dear, but have no power to give it from me. It is bequeathed down from many ancestors.”

Diana: “My honour is such a ring; my chastity is the jewel of our house, bequeathed down from many ancestors. Thus your own proper wisdom brings in the champion honour on my part against your vain assault.”

Bertram: “Here, take my ring; my house, my honour, yea, my life, be thine, and I’ll be bid by thee.”

Diana: “When midnight comes, knock at my chamber window. Now will I charge you in the band of truth, when you have conquered my yet maiden bed, remain there but an hour, nor speak to me; my reasons are most strong; and you shall know them when back again this ring shall be delivered. And on your finger in the night, I’ll put another ring. Adieu till then; then fail not. You have won a wife of me.”

Bertram: “A heaven on earth I have won by wooing thee.”

Analysis

The trap is set. Bertram thinks he will bed Diana. Little does he know. She already has a plan to switch rings and here comes the famous bed switch-a-roo. Diana gets some good shots in as well, before she seemingly acquiesces: “So you serve us until we serve you; but when you have our roses, you barely leave our thorns to prick ourselves, and mock us in our bareness.” Ouch.

Act IV

Scene iii

The Florentine army camp

Enter the two French lords and soldiers

2 Lord: “You have not given him his mother’s letter?”

1 Lord: “I have delivered it an hour since. There is something in it that stings his nature; for on the reading it he changed almost into another man.”

2 Lord: “He has much worthy blame laid upon him for shaking off so good a wife and so sweet a lady.”

1 Lord: “Especially he has incurred the everlasting displeasure of the King. I will tell you a thing, but you shall let it dwell darkly within you.”

2 Lord: “When you have spoken it, ’tis dead, and I am the grave of it.”

1 Lord: “He has perverted a young gentlewoman here in Florence, of a most chaste renown; and this night he fleshes his will in the spoils of her honour.”

2 Lord: “God delay our rebellion! As we are ourselves, what things we are!“

1 Lord: “Merely our own traitors. And as in the common course of all treasons we still see them reveal themselves till they attain to their abbored ends; so he that in this action contrives against his own nobility, in his proper stream, overflows himself.”

2 Lord: “Is it not meant damnable in us to be trumpeters of our unlawful intents? In the meantime, what hear you of these wars?”

1 Lord: “I hear there is an overture of peace.”

2 Lord: “Nay, I assure you, a peace concluded.”

1 Lord: “What will Count Rousillon do then? Will he return again to France?”

2 Lord: “Sir, his wife, some two months since, fled from his house. Her pretence is a pilgrimage to Saint Jaques le Grand; which holy undertaking with most austere sanctimony she accomplished; and, there residing, the tenderness of her nature became as a prey to her grief; in fine, made a groan of her last breath, and now she sings in heaven. Her death was faithfully confirmed by the rector.”

1 Lord: “Has the Count all this intelligence?”

2 Lord: “Ay, I am heartily sorry that he’ll be glad of this. The great dignity that his valour hath here acquired for him shall at home be encountered with a shame as ample.”

1 Lord: “The web of our life is of a mingled yarn, good and ill together. Our virtues would be proud if our faults whipped them not; and our crimes would despair if they were not cherished by our virtues.“

Enter a messenge

Messenger: “The Count will next morning for France.”

Enter Bertram

Bertram: “I have tonight congied with the Duke, done my adieu with his nearest; buried a wife, mourned for her, writ to my lady mother I am returning. But shall we have this dialogue between the fool and the soldier? Come, bring forth this counterfeit module who has deceived me like a double-meaning prophesier.”

2 Lord: “Bring him forth. He hath sat in the stocks all night, poor gallant knave.”

Bertram: “No matter; his heels have deserved it, in usurping his spurs so long. How does he carry himself?”

2 Lord: “He weeps like a wench; he hath confessed. And what think you he hath confessed?”

Bertram: “Nothing of me, has he?”

2 Lord: “His confession is taken, and it shall be read to his face.”

Enter Parolles, guarded, and 1st soldier as interpreter

Bertram: “A plague upon him! He can say nothing of me.”

2 Lord: “Hush, hush! Hoodman comes. Portotartarossa.”

1 Soldier: “He calls for the tortures. What will you say without them?”

Parolles: “I will confess what I know without constraint.”

1 Soldier: “Bosko chimurcho.”

2 Lord: “Boblibindo chicurmurco.”

1 Soldier: “Our general bids you answer to what I shall ask you.”

Parolles: “And truly, as I hope to live.”

1 Soldier: “First demand of him how many horses the Duke is strong.”

Parolles: “Five or six thousand; but very weak and unserviceable. The troops are all scattered, and the commanders very poor rogues.”

Bertram: “What a past-saving slave is this!”

2 Lord: “You are deceived, my lord; this is Monsieur Parolles, the gallant militarist.”

1 Soldier: “Demand of him of what strength they are a-foot. ‘What say you to that?'”

Parolles: “Let me see: Spurio, a hundred and fifty; Sebastian, so many; Corambus, so many; Jaques, so many. Upon my life, amounts not to fifteen thousand; half of the which dare not shake the snow from off their cassocks lest they shake themselves to pieces.”

1 Soldier: “Do you know Captain Dumain?”

Parolles: “I know him. He was in Paris, from whence he was whipt for getting the shriver’s fool with child – a dumb innocent that could not say him nay.”

1 Soldier: “What is his reputation with the Duke?”

Parolles: “The Duke knows him for no other than a poor officer of mine.”

1 Soldier: “Here’s a paper. Shall I read it to you? (reads) ‘Diana, the Count is a fool.'”

Parolles: “That is an advertisement to a proper maid in Florence, one Diana, to take heed of the allurement of one Count Rousillon, a foolish idle boy. My meaning in it, I protest, was very honest in the behalf of the maid; for I knew the young Count to be a dangerous and lascivious boy, who is a whale to virginity, and devours up all the fry it finds.”

Bertram: “Damnable both-sides rogue.”

1 Soldier: (reads) “The Count’s a fool. I know it.”

Bertram: “He shall be whipt.”

1 Lord: “This is your devoted friend, sir.”

1 Soldier: “I perceive, sir, we shall be fain to hang you.”

Parolles: “My life, sir. Let me live, sir, in a dungeon, in the stocks, or anywhere, so I may live.”

1 Soldier: “We’ll see what may be done; once more to this Captain Dumain: What is his honesty?”

Parolles: “He will steal, sir. He professes the not keeping of oaths; in breaking them he is stronger than Hercules. He will lie, sir, with such volubility that you would think truth were a fool. Drunkenness is his best virtue. He has everything that an honest many should not have; what an honest man should have, he has nothing.”

Bertram: “A pox upon him!”

1 Soldier: “What’s his brother, the other Captain Dumain?”

Parolles: “Greater a great deal in evil. He excels his brother for a coward. In a retreat he outruns any lackey.”

1 Soldier: “If your life be saved, will you undertake to betray the Florentine?”

Parolles: “Ay, and Count Rousillon.”

1 Soldier: “There is no remedy, sir, but you must die. The general says that you who have so traitorously discovered the secrets of your army that you can serve the world for no honest use; therefore you must die. Come, headsman, off with his head.”

Parolles: “O lord, sir, let me live, or let me see my death.”

1 Soldier: “That you shall, and take your leave of all your friends.” (unmuffling him) “So look about you; know you any here?”

Bertram: “Good morrow, noble Captain.”

1 Lord: “God bless you, Captain Parolles.”

2 Lord: “God save you, noble Captain.”

1 Soldier: “You are undone, Capain.”

Parolles: “Who cannot be crushed with a plot? Yet I am thankful. If my heart were great, it would burst at this. Simply the thing I am shall make me live. Who knows himself a braggart, let him fear this; for it will come to pass that every braggart shall be found an ass, and being fooled, by foolery thrive.”

Analysis

The two lords who have befriended Bertram and tried to convince him of the unsavory nature of his friend, Parolles, have now soured on Bertram himself, as Bertram has ‘perverted a young Florentine lady of most chaste renown.’ The letter from his mother has arrived, condemning Bertram. A rumour also circulates, no doubt started by Helena, that she is dead, enabling Bertram to return home now that the Florentine wars are over. We are also meant to believe by now that the terms he presented to Helena in order for them to be truly betrothed have been successfully met. Diana would have turned the ring over to Helena and the bed trick likely means that Helena is pregnant with Bertram’s child. He has been thoroughly duped by both Diana and Helena.

Meanwhile, the lords have captured Parolles and assumed the role of enemy soldiers threatening him within an inch of his life if he does not betray his own fellow soldiers and the Duke’s army. Parolles is blindfolded and the lords interrogate him before Bertram, who hears his friend be most cowardly and unabashedly traitorous to his own army, his friends and Bertram himself, who finally sees the Parolles everyone else knows all too well. But Parolles is a minor villain and moves on from his humiliation without much trouble: “Who cannot be crushed with a plot? If my heart were great, it would burst at this. Simply the thing I am shall make me live.”

Act IV

Scene iv

Florence. The widow’s house.

Enter Helena, the widow and Diana

Helena: “You must know that I am supposed dead.”

Widow: “Gentle madam, you never had a servant to whose trust your business was more welcome.”

Helena: “Nor you, mistress. But, O strange men! That can such sweet use make of what they hate, when saucy trusting of the cozened thoughts defiles the pitchy night. So lust doth play with what it loathes, for that which is away. We must away; our wagon is prepared, and time revives us. All’s well that ends well.”

Analysis

The women delight over having conspired together to achieve the ends so desired by Helena. They, in fact, will return home with Helena to bear witness to the events requiring the couple to marry. Act 5 is clearly approaching. Bertram hasn’t a clue, thinking that he has seduced Diana and Helena is dead.

Act IV

Scene v

Rousillon. The Count’s palace

Enter Countess, Lafeu and the fool

Lafeu: “No, no, no, your son was misled with a fellow there.”

Countess: “I would I had not known him. It was the death of the most virtuous gentlewoman who ever nature had praised for creating. I could not have owed her a more rooted love.”

Lafeu: “T’was a good lady, t’was a good lady.”

Fool: “Indeed, sir, she was the herb of grace. Why, sir, if I cannot serve you, I can serve as great a prince as you are.”

Lafeu: “Who’s that?”

Fool: “The Black Prince, sir; alias, the Prince of Darkness; alias, the devil.”

Lafeu: “Go thy ways. I begin to be weary of thee. (exit Fool) (to Countess) A shrewd knave, and an unhappy one. I was about to tell you, since I heard of the good lady’s death, that my lord, your son, was upon his return home.”

Countess: “I have letters that he will be here tonight.”

Analysis

Lafeu tries to convince the Countess that her son was merely misled while in Florence. They mourn the supposed death of Helena and then await the arrival of Bertram. Act 5, do your thang!

Act V (3 scenes)

Scene i

Marsailles. A street.

Enter Helena, the widow and Diana and a local gentleman

Gentleman: “What is your will?”

Helena: “That it will please you to give this poor petition to the King.”

Gentlemen: “The King’s not here.”

Helena: “Not here, sir? Whither is he gone?”

Gentlemen: “Marry, to Rousillon, whither I am going.”

Helena: “Since you are likely to see him before me, commend this paper to his gracious hand. I will come after you with what good speed our means will make our means.”

Gentleman: “This I’ll do for you.”

Analysis

All roads lead to Rousillon, where the King, Countess and Lafeu are, and where Bertram, Parolles, Helena and her Florentine friends are approaching.”

Act V

Scene ii

Rousillon. The inner court of the Count’s palace

Enter Parolles and the Fool

Parolles: “Good Monsieur Lavache, give my Lord Lafeu this letter. I have ere now, sir, been better known to you, when I have held familiarity with fresher clothes; but I am now, sir, muddled in Fortune’s mood and smell somewhat strong of her strong displeasure.”

Fool: “Truly, Fortune’s displeasure is but sluttish, if it smell so strongly as thou speaks of.”

Enter Lafeu

Parolles: “My lord, I am a man whom Fortune hath cruelly scratched.”

Lafeu: “And what would you have me to do? Tis too late to pare her nails now. Wherein have you played the knave with Fortune, that she should scratch you, who of herself is a good lady? Let the justices make you and Fortune friends. I am for other business.”

Parolles: “I beseech your honour to hear me one single word. O, my good lord, you were the first who found me. And it lies in you, my lord, to bring me in some grace, for you did bring me out.”

Life: “Out upon thee, knave. The King is coming. Sirrah, inquire further after me. Though you are a fool and a knave, you shall eat. Go to, follow.”

Parolles: “I praise God for you.”

Analysis

Poor Parolles returns home poor and disgraced, evidenced by his encounters with the Fool and Lafeu, who finally agrees to not let him starve. Shakespeare’s villains generally get their come- uppence and this minor knave will have to abide his deserved reputation. Now on to the final scene and more important matters than Parolles, although it must be said that in staged productions of All’s Well That Ends Well, his role, along with that of Helen’s, often do steal the show.

Act V

Scene iii

Rousillon. The Count’s palace.

Enter the King, Countess, Lafeu and the two French lords.

King: “We lost a jewel of her; but your son, as mad in folly, lacked the sense to know her estimation.”

Countess: “Tis past, my liege; and I beseech your Majesty to make it natural rebellion, done in the blaze of youth.”

King: “My honoured lady, I have forgiven and forgotten all.”

Lafeu: “This I must say – the young lord did to his Majesty, his mother, and his lady, offence of mighty note; but to himself the greatest wrong of all. He lost a wife whose beauty did astonish the survey of richest eyes.”

King: “Praising what is lost makes the remembrance dear. Well, call him hither; we are reconciled. Let him not ask our pardon; the nature of his offence is dead, and deeper than oblivion do we bury the incensing relics of it; let him approach.”

Enter Bertram

Bertram: “My high-repented blames, dear sovereign, pardon to me.”

King: “All is whole; not one word more of the consumed time. Let’s take the instant. Do you remember the daughter of this lord?”

Bertram: “Admiringly, my liege.”

Lafeu: “Come, my son; give a favour from you, to sparkle in the spirits of my daughter, that she may quickly come.”

Bertram gives a ring

Lafeu: “By my old beard, and every hair that’s on it, Helena, who is dead, was a sweet creature; such a ring as this I saw upon her finger.”

Bertram: “Hers it was not.”

King: “Now, pry you let me see it. This ring was mine, and when I gave it to Helen I bade her, if her fortunes ever stood necessitated to help, that by this token I would relieve her.”

Bertram: “My gracious sovereign, the ring was never hers.”

Countess: “Son, on my life, I have seen her wear it.”

Lafeu: “I am sure I saw her wear it.”

Bertram: “You are deceived, my lord; she never saw it. In Florence was it from a casement thrown me, which contained the name of her that threw it.”

King: “Twas mine, twas Helen’s, whoever gave it to you. Confess twas hers, and by what rough enforcement you got it from her. She called the saints to surety that she would never put it from her finger unless she gave it to yourself in bed.”

Bertram: “She never saw it.”

King: “Thou speaks falsely, as I love mine honour; and yet I know not – thou did hate her deadly, and she is dead; which nothing could win me to believe more than to see this ring. Take him away.”

Guards sieze Bertram

Bertram: “If you shall prove the ring was ever hers, you shall as easy prove that I husbanded her bed in Florence, where she yet never was.”

Enter a gentleman

Gentleman: “Gracious sovereign, here’s a petition from a Florentine. She told me in a sweet verbal brief it did concern your highness with herself.”

King: (reads the letter) ‘Upon his many protestations to marry me when his wife was dead, I blush to say it, he won me. Now is the Count Rousillon a widower; has vows are forfeited to me, and my honour’s paid to him. He stole from Florence, taking no leave, and I follow him to his country for justice. Grant it me, O King! Otherwise a seducer flourishes, and a poor maid is undone. Diana.’ “Go speedily, and bring again the Count. I am afeared the life of Helena, Lady, was foully snatched.”

Enter Bertram, guarded

King: “I wonder, sir, since wives are monsters to you, and that you fly them as you swear them lordship, yet you desire to marry.”

Enter Widow and Diana

King: “What woman is that?”

Diana: “I am, my lord, a wretched Florentine. My suit you know, and therefore know how I may be pitied.”

Widow: “I am her mother, sir, whose age and honour both suffer under this complaint we bring.”

King: “Come hither Count; do you know these women?”

Bertram: “My lord, I neither can nor will deny but that I know them.”

Diana: “Why do you look so strange upon your wife?”

Bertram: “She’s none of mine, my lord.”

Diana: “If you shall marry, you give away this hand, and it is mine; you give away heaven’s vows, and those are mine; for I by vows so embodied yours that she which marries you must marry me, either both or none.”

Lafeu: (to Bertram) “Your reputation comes too short for my daughter; you are no husband for her.”

Bertram: “My lord, this is a fond and desperate creature whom sometime I have laughed with. Let your highness lay a more noble thought upon mine honour than for to think that I would sink it here.”

King: “Fairer prove your honour than in my thought it lies!”

Diana: “Good my lord, ask him upon his oath if he does think he had not my virginity.”

King: “What say thou to her?”

Bertram: “She’s impudent, my lord, and was a common gamester to the camp.”

Diana: “He does me wrong, my lord; if I were so he might have bought me at a common price. Do not believe him. O, behold this ring. He gave it to a commoner of the camp, if I be one.”

Countess: “This is his wife: that ring’s a thousand proofs.”

King: “Methought you said you saw one here in court cold witness it.”

Diana: “I did, my lord, but loathe am to produce so bad an instrument; his name is Parolles.”

King: “Find him and bring him hither.”

Bertram: “What of him? He’s quoted for a most perfidious slave, whose nature sickens but to speak a truth.”

King: “She hath that ring of yours.”

Bertram: “I think she has. Certain it is I liked her, and boarded her in the wanton way of youth. Her infinite cunning with her modern grace subdued me to her rate. She got the ring.”

Diana: “You who have turned off a first so noble wife may justly diet me. I pray you yet – since you lack virtue, I will lose a husband – send for your ring, I will return it home, and give me mine again.”

Bertram: “I have it not.”

King: “What ring was yours, I pray you?”

Diana: “Sir, much like the same upon your finger.”

King: “Know you this ring? This ring was his of late.”

Diana: “And this was it I gave him, being abed. I have spoke the truth.”

Enter Parolles

Bertram: “My lord, I do confess the ring was hers.”

King: “Is this the man you speak of?”

Diana: “Ay, my lord.”

King:”Tell me, sirrah – but tell me true I charge you – by him and by this woman here what know you?”

Parolles: “So please your majesty, my master has been an honourable gentleman.”

King: “Come, come, to the purpose. Did he love this woman?”

Parolles: “Faith, sir, he did love her. He did love her as a gentleman loves a woman. He loved her, sir, and loved her not.”

Diana: “Do you know that he promised me marriage?”

Parolles: “Faith, I know more than I’ll speak.”

King: “But will thou not speak all thou know’st?”

Parolles: “I did go between them; but more than that, he loved her – for indeed he was mad for her. I knew of their going to bed; and of other motions, as promising her marriage.”

King: “This ring, you say, was yours?”

Diana: “Ay, my good lord.”

King: “Where did you buy it? or who gave it you?”

Diana: “It was not given me, nor I did not buy it.”

King: “Who lent it you?”

Diana: “It was not lent me either.”

King: “Where did you find it then?”

Diana: “I found it not.”

King: “If it were yours by none of all these ways, how could you give it him?”

Diana: “I never gave it him.”

King: “This ring was mine. I gave it to his first wife. Take her away. I do not like her now; to prison with her. Unless thou tells me where thou had this ring, thou dies within this hour.”

Diana: “I’ll never tell you.”

King: “Take her away. Wherefore has thou accused him all this while?”

Diana: “Because he’s guilty, and he is not guilty. He knows I am no maid, and he’ll swear to it. I’ll swear I am a maid, and he knows not. Great King, I am no strumpet, by my life; I am either maid, or else this old man’s wife.” (pointing to Lafreu)

King: “She does abuse our ears; to prison with her.”

Diana: “Good mother, fetch my bail. (Exit widow) Stay, royal sir. The jeweller who owes the ring is sent for. But for this lord who has abused me as he knows himself, though yet he never harmed me, here I quit him. He knows himself my bed he has defiled; and at that time he got his wife with child, dead though she be. So there’s my riddle; and now behold the meaning.”

Re-enter widow with Helena

King: “Is there no exorcist beguiles the truer officer of my eyes? Is it real that I see?”

Bertram: “O pardon!”

Helena: “O, my good lord, when I was like this maid, I found you wondrous kind. There is your ring. And, look you, here is your letter. This it says: ‘when from my finger you can get this ring, and are by me with child,’ etc. This is done. Will you be mine now you are doubly won?”

Bertram: “If she, my liege, can make me know this clearly, I’ll love her dearly, ever, ever dearly.”

Lafeu: “My eyes smell onions; I shall weep anon.”

King: “Let us from point to point this story know, to make the even truth in pleasure flow.(To Diana) If thou be yet a fresh uncrossed flower, choose thou a husband, and I’ll pay thy dower; for I can guess by thy honest aid thy kept a wife herself, thyself a maid. And yet all seems well.”

Analysis

There was certainly much to unravel in act 5. Helena arrives in France alive and well. Parolles has been reduced to beggar status. The King and the Countess mourn the apparent death of Helena and forgive Bertram his transgressions. Bertram arrives and agrees to marry Lafeu’s daughter. And then the real confusion sets in around the rings and their ownership and identity. Diana and her mother appear and the confusions only deepen. Somebody is clearly crazy or lying. Diana maintains her riddle until Helena appears and the stranger than truth resolution is finally revealed. But do we have a happy ending? Helena has her Bertram, but at what cost? He ran away to the wars to avoid her and seemingly bedded a young Florentine until she and her mother, orchestrated by Helena, pulled off the ultimate switch in bed, enabling Helena to get the ring and mother Bertrand’s child, in order to fulfill Bertram’s ultimatum, all unbeknownst to Bertram himself. Helena had sex with Bertram, while he thought he was making love to another woman and then she faked her own death, in order to be legitimately married to him back in Rousillon. All of that and he is nobody’s prize! This is indeed a ‘problem play’ with an ending that is hard to reconcile all of the falsehoods and deceptions into such a distasteful celebration of love. The saddest line of all is spoken by Helena directly to Bertram, right near the end of the play: “O, my good lord, when I was like this maid, I found you wondrous kind.” And the most awkward line is his response: “If she, my liege, can make me know this clearly, I’ll love her dearly, ever, ever dearly.” Honestly, what chances does this marriage have?

Epilogue:

The King’s a beggar, now the play is done. All is well ended if this suit be won, which we will pay with strife to please you, day exceeding day. Ours be your patience then, and yours our parts; your gentle hands lend us, and take our hearts.

Analysis

Shakespeare frequently insets these prologues and epilogues into his plays, where someone in the ensemble comes out on stage and directly courts the audience’s appreciation.

Final Thoughts

All’s Well That Ends Well is certainly a ‘problem play’ of a comedy insofar as it contains both unpleasant and unsympathetic lead characters with questionable moral behaviours and a happy ending that is anything but satisfying. Just as disturbing is the central relationship between Helena and Bertram, as we are asked once again to accept yet another Shakespearean female character settling for a miscreant and a rogue. Bertram leaves her immediately after the forced wedding with crude ultimatums and then seduces another woman before returning home and declaring his ‘forever love’ to Helena in the play’s final scene. Yet we can almost sympathize with him after Helena forces the King to marry her to Bertram against his strongest protest and then pursues him to Florence to enact the bed trick and get herself pregnant with his child and then finally fakes her own death to entice him home to embrace their marriage. Nonetheless, somehow, in the end, everyone is pleased with all of this, as they must be in a comedy.

Aside from her relentless and mysterious pursuit of an absolute cad, Helena seems a strikingly wonderful person for whom Bertram is entirely unworthy. And yet it is Bertram who finds Helena unworthy of him. It is not easy to expect that we will join in the celebrations of the union of these two souls by the play’s end. Why in the world does Helena love the unloveable Bertram and how is it possible that he turns on a dime suddenly in act 5 to reciprocate her love with his own? Surely he has relented only to save face with his mother and the King. We almost wait and watch for him to wink at us as he departs the stage at the conclusion of the play.

There is no indication that All’s Well That Ends Well was ever staged in Shakespeare’s lifetime. In fact, the earliest production ever noted is from 1741, 125 years after his death. The plot is lifted from Giovanni Boccaccio’s The Decameron, published in Italy in 1492. You tube contains several staged productions and a host of clips and analysis.